An Excellent Book on Leaving a PD

A friend got this book for me and I'll tell you what...if you are trying to leave a personality disordered person, you need this book.

The PDs behave in very predictable ways, based on their particular disorder and history. So, although they cause chaos and confusion, we can often predict with accuracy their behavior in particular circumstances. The book discusses some of these circumstances, as they often happen in a separation. They loose control, for instance, and it often escalates their behavior. In fact, in many cases, they may become physically violent where there was no prior history of such behavior.

The legal side of divorcing a narcissist can be harrowing. There are ways to address the court that can protect you and further your position...or destroy your credibility. The judge, after all, only hears what you say in those moments, and sees your emotional or lack of emotional response, and that's all s/he sees. They don't have much time to make a judgment. The authors discuss the importance of not 'labeling' your partner as personality disordered without a medical or psychiatric diagnosis. The judge will most likely consider you presumptuous and mean spirited. It won't help your case. Stick to 'what he said' and 'what he did.'

"Splitting" is a term used for breaking up a relationship, but also for something PDs do...they often view you and others as either "all bad" or "all good." Generally speaking, people don't fit into these categories - they exhibit both good and bad qualities and behaviors. The book, Splitting, by Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger, addresses these and other issues that will help you prepare for a safe exit from a toxic relationship.

Leaving

Drawing the line in the sand is often a most fearful experience, especially for those who have been the object of a Personality Disordered person. They choose their words and actions for optimum effect and this gives them power. It gives them power because they create an uncertainty in you. No matter which way you choose, they will twist it until it becomes your noose. So don't bother with which is the lesser punishment that you might receive. Stand. Even if you might choose 'wrongly' take a stand - without emotion, without wavering. This takes away their power over you. They will never understand. They will never apologize for how they hurt you. Sometimes just walking away is what will confound them and break the chains with which they have bound you. Freedom from them is like suddenly rising above the riptide.