Monday, March 24, 2014

Guest Blogger - It's good to hear from others

My first experience with a Narcissist..... 

I realized my ex-husband was a narcissist when I was divorcing him. Not properly diagnosed with Bipolar disorder for years, he was misdiagnosed with seasonal depression etc.. etc.. etc... It wasn't until I had to demand he undergo a complete neuro-psych evaluation in order to see our children did he get the proper diagnosis. Upon a lot of self-evaluation and research, I realized he was indeed a narcissist. It became more and more apparent as time evolved now 2 years post-divorce we are still in court proceedings. He takes and takes and takes.. My home, career, the boys’ sports, etc.. etc.. etc.. I finally realized I have nothing left to give. Even my kids want to stay in his 5 bedroom home with him and his new life.. He left us with nothing. Ruined everything to its core. It is hard to forgive for he is not capable of being the man I once knew. I am tired of being angry, tired of being upset. Sick of the Family court system taking a man’s side vs the woman who raised the children. 

I was a stay at home mother for the majority of the time we were married and had children. I went back to school when my youngest was in his last year of pre-school. Graduated and found part time work while my boys were in school. He moved us around a bit so it was hard for me to find anything permanent or gain the experience I needed in my field. In 2011 I finally found full time work in my field only to work just 7 months before he moved us again for the last time. 2 months into a cross country move he told me to "take the kids and move back east" I was left with no home, no career, no money, 2 kids, & 2 dogs. Thankfully my mom took us in and we have a roof over our head. She also paid for my attorney to get child support from him.. Upon finding out that the family court system expects me to work and support my children the same as him. How can a woman do this? While he was building his career, I was home taking care of my children. I do not have the amount of experience in my field that he does and due to the many moves and the fact I haven't worked in 2 years isn't making it easy to get back into my field. Then I have the day care issue...He doesn't even have to pay alimony in our state. Working a mininum wage job will not allow me to support a household in our area, put food on the table and pay for child care. I don't know the first step to take to get back on my feet. I feel lost in so many ways...

It is hard not to be bitter but I am trying to move on, take care of my children and figure out, at 44, what to do next....Thankfully he is not violent and has never physically hurt our boys but emotionally he has permanently damaged all of us...

Distraught in MA-


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